Funeral Experts

Arranging a Funeral With Relatives

Most funeral directors would like to speak with ‘The Lead Mourner’; the family member that will sign-off on arrangements and act as their Client.


Often, this job falls to:

 

  • The husband/wife of the person who has died
  • The eldest child
  • The eldest grandchild

    Or, where the person who has died has no family

     

  • The friend/well-wisher who would like to arrange the funeral.

    (This will also usually be the person who signs up to be responsible for paying for the funeral at the end).

Although it’s best to have one single point of contact liaising with the Funeral Director, the whole family can have input into the funeral arrangements. 

 

Whether it’s just two of you responsible for the funeral arrangements, or there’s half a dozen people to consult or more, we’ll help you navigate some of the challenges you’re likely to face.

 

Below, we list the conversations to be had – either at the funeral director’s office or, ideally, before you attend…     

Which Funeral Director Should We Use?

“Dave said that his missus’ used Joe Bloggs & Son for her Mum. Let’s go with them.” 
“You’re having a laugh – Gaz knows a fella down the pub who worked for them and he’s said they’re a nightmare…”
“I don’t much like the look of their place, it’s a bit spooky…”

 

 

Why not let FuneralExperts.com help with this one…?

 

Simply set your budget, your initial needs and we’ll show you a list of local funeral directors, ranked in order of location and affordability. Give them a call, see how you warm to them and go from there. 

No false recommendations. No fluff, no faff.    

What's Our Budget? Splitting the Cost vs Sharing The Workload

Depending on where you are in the country, an attended funeral with cremation costs £3,290, and a burial costs £4,383 on average. 

 

While it’s worth remembering that the funeral is the first charge against the estate of the person who has died (meaning: that before outstanding bills or debts or anything else gets paid out of the deceased’s bank account, you can pay for the funeral first), you should have an idea about how you’re going to pay for the funeral. 

 

If the person had a pre-paid funeral plan, there will – more than likely – be a shortfall that you (the client) will need to pay. 

 

Whether the total bill comes to mere hundreds of pounds or runs into the many thousands, it’s best to have a practical conversation about money in the first instance. 

 

 

 

An Example...

Let’s say there’s three children arranging the funeral. 

 

The eldest is on benefits and cannot be reasonably expected to put their money in their pocket for the funeral, but has a fair bit of time they can spare to do practical things – like registering the death, for example. Sibling 2 is a high-flyer with a well-paid job but not a lot of time spare. And Sibling 3 has a family and a side-hustle; they’re arty and creative. 

 

The funeral bill for their parents’ funeral comes to £3500; between the three of them, they’ve chosen the basic service with a Hearse and One Limousine, at 9.30am, midweek at the local crematorium.

 

Sibling 2 and 3 have said that they will pay for the funeral, 70% – 30%, respectively. Sibling 2 won’t be able to be around between now and the funeral, so Sibling 1 is:

 

  • Registering the death
  • Dropping paperwork off to and fro the various places that need it
  • Liaising with the funeral director
  • Getting the parent’s clothes ready
  • Dealing with the bank and the pension people 

Sibling 1 and 3 is meeting with the minister/celebrant, with Sibling 2 on Zoom. After the meeting, Sibling 3 is going to put together the Order of Service (the booklet with the running order, music, readings etc that are handed out to people attending the funeral). They, their children and their partner are going to speak with the florist and draw pictures and write letters to go in the coffin with their parent. 

 

While they’ve not all contributed financially to dealing with their parents’ death and subsequent funeral, they’ve each played an important part in the funeral arrangements. Because Sibling 1 is the easiest to get hold of, the Funeral Director has them down as their main point of contact. All three children trust each other to carry out their respective roles to get the job done.  

 

Not all siblings will be able to get on with each other as well as these three. But you get the gist. 

One Wants One Thing, Another Wants Another

No matter how close you are as a family, how in-sync you might be, there are bound to be some disagreements when it comes to something as important as funeral arrangements. It’s common in large, close-knit families for different members to have different priorities when it comes to saying goodbye.

 

  • Where one family member may think having the flashiest coffin is the most important expense on the funeral, another may prefer to spend that money on a horse and carriage
  • One family member may be totally against visiting their loved one in the chapel of rest, another may be adamant about doing so
  • Someone might want all their loved ones’ jewellery to go with the deceased, another might want it to be distributed to family members as heirlooms

It’s really tough in these situations to work out what should take priority. Sometimes, it’s a simple black-and-white, yes-or-no, this-or-that decision. Most of the time though, there’s a way of compromising. This is where choosing the right funeral director can really help. 

 

How Can Your Funeral Director Help?

Whoever you choose, your funeral director should not be making decisions for you. Their job is to offer you a range of options, explain the benefits of each, and for you to make your own mind up on which to go with. 

 

The very best funeral directors simply facilitate your wishes. No agenda, no worries – just a guide to help you arrange the funeral that’s right for you and your family.

 

While the funeral directors’ ultimate responsibility is to carry out the wishes of their Client, they can be very helpful to facilitate a space for you to work out amongst yourselves which decision to go with. 

 

With everything else that goes on when a loved one dies, it’s good to know that there’s a neutral space, away from the home, away from distraction, to go to to discuss the finer matters of the funeral.

 

The best Funeral Directors would be happy to offer their arranging room (subject to availability, of course), or other designated space, for you and your family to meet to discuss funeral arrangements privately. Some may even permit you to meet with your minister/celebrant – whoever is leading the funeral – to organise the content of the service.

Remember: When comparing funeral directors, it’s not just about the cost. 

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Attended v. Unattended (Committal)

As we discussed in a previous blog post, it’s helpful to think of the funeral as being made up of two parts: The Committal and The Service. 

 

Before speaking to the Funeral Director, it’s a good idea to decide whether or not you’d like to attend the committal part of the funeral. This will help inform the rest of your decision-making process, including things like:

 

* What vehicles you may need

* Where you would like the committal to happen

* Whether or not you need a celebrant/minister to help run a service

 

At the end of the day...

Start all your decisions by thinking of your needs and requirements, and by thinking about the person who has died. By going in with your meeting with the funeral director with these two things in mind, you can’t go far wrong. 

    Whichever your decision, you’ll do what’s right for you, your family and your loved one. The decision you make will be the right decision for you with the information you’ve got to hand.

    We wish you our very best for the next stage of your funeral arrangement journey.

    About FuneralExperts.com

    FuneralExperts.com helps you to compare funeral directors based on:

    • Their location
    • Their standardised fees 

    We do not endorse or make recommendations about individual funeral directors, but we do offer you the tools to make those decisions yourself. 

    We’ll guide you through the very first steps of any funeral arrangement, outlining the decisions you’ll have and the different options for each. We’ll help by:

    • By collecting yours and your loved ones’ details
    • Laying out the pros and cons between a burial or cremation
    • Offering the decisions you’ll make to help choose where you’d like the burial or cremation to happen
    • Working out what your preferred date and time for the funeral will be
    • Sharing the assessment tools you might use to choose which Funeral Director to entrust your funeral to

    Our aim is to pair as many families as possible to the best funeral director for their individual needs. 

    As much as we’re a funeral price comparison service, we also aim to educate the public on the funeral industry as a whole. When the time inevitably comes that the funeral industry is needed, our clients are well-equipped with the language and understanding they need to give their loved one the best funeral possible. 

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